He really doesn't want to deal with this, because he's still not entirely sure how he feels about it, whether there's some blame in there, or just anger at the universe for things turning out the way they did. "Yeah, I do have him. And he's going to get old and die on me, and I'm going to lose him. And you know what that feels like, but I don't yet, and are you surprised at all that I'm clinging to him with every bit of strength I've got?" he asks, desperation tinging his tone. "And when he's gone, I'm going to be broken. I'm not stupid or blind enough to think I won't be. Have you ever, ever thought how scared I am that you might not be there?" Sometimes it's surprising what lurks in the subconscious, waiting for the wrong moment to come out...
"God, Adam, I don't need your money. Look at the way I've been living -- my family is rich and I used my own money to get my nursing degree. I used my own money to get my paramedic's license. I'm learning things we can use when we get our Company up and running, but I'm doing it on my own. I don't care about money. Hell, I could turn everything in this apartment into gold..." He almost lets go of Adam's hand at that, half afraid that the emotional turmoil will make him lose control and do just that, but determined not to. "And I know you're not a hero, but I accept that. I love you." And if this were a faerie tale, that would make everything all right, but he knows it won't. There's something deep down inside Adam that's frightened and broken, and he wants so badly to be able to fix it, and he just doesn't know how... "I love you."
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Date: 2009-10-17 08:06 am (UTC)"God, Adam, I don't need your money. Look at the way I've been living -- my family is rich and I used my own money to get my nursing degree. I used my own money to get my paramedic's license. I'm learning things we can use when we get our Company up and running, but I'm doing it on my own. I don't care about money. Hell, I could turn everything in this apartment into gold..." He almost lets go of Adam's hand at that, half afraid that the emotional turmoil will make him lose control and do just that, but determined not to. "And I know you're not a hero, but I accept that. I love you." And if this were a faerie tale, that would make everything all right, but he knows it won't. There's something deep down inside Adam that's frightened and broken, and he wants so badly to be able to fix it, and he just doesn't know how... "I love you."