Tension [RP for changehistory]

[youngerpetrelli]

It's one of those nights. He'd expect to look up past the lights of the city and see a full moon blazing in the sky, but it's still a bit lopsided, working its way to full but not quite there yet. And yet, the lunatics are out in force.

By the time he gets off shift and goes back home his nerves are jangled, every sense hyper-aware. The place is empty -- he can tell that Adam isn't there just by the way it feels -- and that only serves to intensify his discomfort. With a sigh he strips off his uniform and tosses it into the hamper, then heads for a long, hot shower.

As he's soaping his hair he reaches out with his abilities, relieved to find that Adam is heading back to the apartment. And when he reaches out further, just looking for each of his friends and family to know if they're safe, he realizes that Sylar is heading away from generally the same place that he picked up Adam's movements from. As he rinses himself clean, he wonders if they were out together tonight, and blinks in surprise at the slight flare of jealousy he feels at that.

Finally clean and dry, he settles on the couch waiting for Adam to come in, and the tension comes rushing back. After a short while, it's all he can do to keep from jumping to his feet and pacing back and forth, and when Adam's key turns the lock he does jump to his feet to greet his lover.

Instead of the welcome he planned, though, the first words out of his mouth are, "Where have you been?"

Comments

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam doesn't look convinced, though he wants to be, desperately. "The fact that I'm able to handle you killing someone better than Nathan, who'd freak out doesn't really mean I'm not second, Peter. It just meas I'm less easily shocked."

He glances down at his lap, then back up at Peter, reaching out to brush fingers through his hair, lightly. "Hiro and I...at Kirby Plaza, somehow, he got thrown back to 1671, Japan. I was 27. A mercenary samurai, a ronin." He shrugs. "A drunk, really. I left England after my family died, and I was running from ghosts. That's how Hiro found me. He grew up on fairytales about me, or about the name I'd taken. Takezo Kensei. He decided I was destined to be a great hero, and when he found out I had an ability, he set out to make me one, sending me on quests and making me act out what he remembered from his stories. Part of that was falling in love with the 'princess'--the daughter of the swordsmith who crafted my katana. Yaeko. Only I...I don't know. Everything I was doing I was doing for him, because no one had ever...I'd never felt that way before, but I was trying to love her, because he said I should, and I just wanted to make him happy. In the end...he took the girl for himself, and left me alone." He leaves out his reaction. He figures Peter knows him well enough to know he didn't react well. "I didn't see him again until the vault in Odessa, when he took me to the coffin."

He's considered some of his and Angela's problems might have been Arthur related, but they'll never know now, and there are still the wounds from it, probably for both of them. Why she married Arthur, why she wouldn't leave him...he didn't want to ask.

His fingers trace lightly through Peter's hair. "It's a repeating pattern in my life, Peter, and it just...feels like it's coming around again."

[youngerpetrelli]

Lets out a tiny huff of frustration and says, "No, it means I trusted you with something that scared the hell out of me..." But that discussion is brushed aside by what Adam tells him about his past with Hiro, and he lets out a soft, "Oh," then bites his lip and shakes his head. "I'm not going to do that to you, ever. I don't know how to make you believe me, but I'm here, with you, no matter how rough things might get."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam sighs, closing his eyes briefly in frustration of his own, giving in. "All right, Peter."

He slumps back on the sofa, sinking into the cushions. "It doesn't stop my being jealous. It doesn't stop the tension in my head, or the disconnect. You're still asking me to go against all of my inclinations. I don't share well. I don't...do a lot of things I've done since meeting you, and it makes me feel...like I'm losing myself. And I don't know how to fix it without messing us up somehow, even though you say no matter what."

[youngerpetrelli]

He reaches up to gently lay a hand on Adam's side, then says, "Every relationship is compromise, if the people involved care about each other. You don't lose yourself, you just... I don't know, change..." He looks up at Adam with a slight smile. "I don't want you to stop being yourself -- I really like the you that I got to know over those months in the Company's cells..." A deep breath, then he steels himself and asks, "Was that you all a lie?"

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam frowns a little, mostly surprised by the question as that time, their time together then, was some of the last time he remembers feeling like himself. "No, Peter, that wasn't all a lie. It wasn't a lie at all." Even if Peter had interpreted "save the world" differently than he'd meant it. "But since then..."

He makes a slight face. "What do you compromise, in this? The fact that I have a different moral center than you? Your integrity in being with someone like me? Because I never know what it is you want from me, or see in me, after all of it. I gave in to your fait accompli, and I just...I don't know anymore where it is we're meeting, of if I'm supposed to be giving in whenever, because you've already given in so far in taking me back."

[youngerpetrelli]

"I like that you -- and I'm pretty sure this you is still that you... I want to save the world with you. I've always wanted to save the world with you," he says softly. "I just don't want to destroy everyone or hurt people to do it, that's all..."

He reaches to take one of Adam's hands, then says, "Not enough, obviously, or we wouldn't be at this point. I want us to be heroes together. And I want us to be us together. If something I do bothers you, please don't push it down inside and hurt yourself with it -- talk to me about it. I want us both to be happy, and I'm not making you happy." He bites his lip, then very quietly says, "Tell me to stop being with Nathan and I will..."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good," Adam says, but it's a battle he doesn't have the energy to fight tonight, and Peter probably won't listen anyway, he thinks. None of them ever do, even though nothing works their way, either.

His fingers curl around Peter's, and he frowns. The offer is bittersweet, everything he wants, and not quite at the same time, and he clings to his hand tightly as he watches him. "I can't tell you, Peter. I can't make you stop and risk you hating me for that later, or him hating me. I don't want to impose rules. I just...No, I'm not happy with things the way they are. I've told you that, now. What you do with that information is up to you."

[youngerpetrelli]

He nods, and he's more than aware of that, but sacrifices should be made by people willing to make them. Otherwise, as far as he's concerned, they're just murders... But this isn't the current argument, and maybe when they get through this, they can really discuss it. Later.

"That's okay, you gave me the answer," he says softly, standing up and moving to sit next to Adam on the sofa. "Just know that I'm not going to hate you, okay? I love you," he says softly, leaning his forehead against Adam's cheek. "And I'm sorry."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam closes his eyes at Peter's move, a feeling of fear flickering through the relief. Change never comes easily in his experience, and even if its one he craves, one he needs in a way that almost makes him ashamed, he fears the consequences. He feels too raw, not used to admitting to what feels like weakness, but he leans into Peter in response, slowly dragging fingers up his arm and over his shoulder until he can curl them in his hair, stroking lightly.

"I should apologize. I'm not usually...I never wanted you to see me like this..." He turns his head to kiss him, softly. "I just wanted to make everyone happy..." Which is something far too strange a thought, honestly.

[youngerpetrelli]

Softly, "Never wanted me to see you like what, human?" He gives Adam a small smile, then kisses him again. "No one is strong all the time, no matter who they are." He holds Adam close, his empathy still picking up some of his lover's emotions even though he tries so hard not to pry. "You've been strong for me when I'm not -- I can be strong for you if you'll let me. It's not a bad thing..."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam makes a little face, though he doesn't confirm Peter's guess about being human or not. He tries so hard to be more than human, after all, but he lets Peter hold him instead of pulling away like he did earlier. "I don't know how..." Which isn't quite true. More like he doesn't remember. He hasn't been able to let down his guard in decades, and doing it even this much has left him a little shaky.

[youngerpetrelli]

One hand strokes slowly up and down Adam's back, soothing -- at least he hopes it is -- and holding him close. "It's okay -- you've had to be so strong for so long. I get it -- I really do. You couldn't show them any sign of weakness or they would have been all over you. But it's okay now, Adam. You're not their prisoner any more. You're free, and you're among friends, and I want to help you any way I can..." He tries so hard to communicate his emotions and his concerns, but words are so clunky sometimes. But no matter what, he won't intentionally breach that mental barrier unless he's invited.

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam shakes his head a little, uncertain how to even start to say much more. He is exhausted from the running through as much as he has. The rest of it seems almost too much to even contemplate. He leans into him a bit more. "I can't just learn a new skill overnight, Peter. I can't just...not be me..." It sort of comes back to that in some ways, because this feels so wrong, all of it, so disconcerting and uncomfortable for him. Part of him knows it's for the best, that it's right, but it feels like a too tight coat, and he doesn't know how to shift fully, yet.

[youngerpetrelli]

Softly, "This is the part where I remind you I'm going to stick around, because there's no rush at all. I'm going to be here for you, whenever you're ready." He closes the distance and kisses Adam again. "I love you."

[changehistory.livejournal.com]

Adam returns the kiss a little desperately, clinging to him even as he tries not to. It's ridiculous to need any one person so, but he can't seem to help it any more, no matter how upsetting that might seem. "I love you, too," he murmurs, sliding his fingers up and through his hair lightly. "Just be patient with me..." It seems like far too much to ask, all things considered, but he doesn't know how else to even contemplate getting through all of this turmoil in his head. It's been centuries since he felt do unsure of himself.